I’m not an economist, which these days is a big plus, especially since economic theory is now as discredited as literary theory. Rational Man, Monetary Policy, Keynesianism, Friedmanism, Alan Greenspan, Timothy Geithner…yes, and Derrida and Foucault knew what they were talking about, too. Everyone has a theory, everyone has an agenda, and none of them can separate themselves from their subjectivity and biases long enough to see that their arguments are based on false premises. Let’s face it, folks: the free market works. Just because it’s affecting you negatively at the moment doesn’t mean it’s not working–so let it work, Invisible Hand and all. No country in history has ever spent its way out of a recession. Stimulus packages stimulate Congress and its cronies, not consumers. State control of private industry is a bust; no matter how many English Dept. faculty believe otherwise, Marx was wrong. Ronald Reagan described perfectly what has become the current administration’s policy: “If it moves, tax it, if it keeps moving, regulate it, if it stops moving, subsidize it.” Didn’t work then and it’s not going to work now, no matter how much of the thing with feathers you hold in your heart. Personally, I’ll take my economic theory from the great LA alt band Oingo Boingo: “There’s nothing wrong with Capitalism, there’s nothing wrong with free enterprise, don’t try to make me feel guilty, I’m so tired of hearing you cry, there’s nothing wrong with making some profit, if you ask me I’ll say it’s just fine, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to live nice, I’m so tired of hearing you whine, about the revolution, bringin’ down the rich, when was the last time you dug a ditch, baby!” And speaking of the current administration, every time I see them or hear them mentioned I feel like America is now in some alternative Bizarro Universe with an American Idol president and Hillary as Secretary of State. So, all those years of whining about victimization and toeing the PC line have finally paid off: Americans have lost their will to self-interest, their will to shape and control their own lives and destinies, and have collectively moved back home with their parents. Makes me happy that I live in Dubai.